How often have you read or seen stories about the beauty of adoption? Of how birth mothers of poor background would gladly hand over their children because they cannot afford to keep them and adoptive parents receiving their adopted children with open arms and joyful faces? These are just stories that appear in movies only. What happens in real life is more heart-wrenching than is commonly shown, especially if you are dealing with an open adoption.

Very often, mothers of the lower-income group have been portrayed as the lucky and willing parties who hand over their children to well off adoptive parents in order to let them have better lives. However, what is usually not shown is the devastation, lowering of self-esteem and reluctance of the biological mothers to hand over their children for adoption. In an open adoption, the birth mother has to hand over her child personally to you, the adoptive parent. So, how do you reassure her that she is indeed handing over her child to safe hands and a better life? You will need to let her know about your family without being condescending.

It is vital that you give her as much encouragement as possible, to let her know that she has not made the wrong decision. Your words have to be gentle and kind but firm at the same time. Do not make her feel that you are taking advantage of her. Be prepared that she may be very defensive and confrontational as she demands to know more about your family but do not take it personally. She just wants to be sure. It is important not to get into an argument with her as it will lead you nowhere. Worse still, the whole adoption might be called off as she still has the right to change her mind and select someone else to be the adoptive parents of her child. Instead, reassure her that you can raise the child well but do not harp on how she will not be able to bring up her child by herself.

It will be good for you to bring and show her photos of your house but make sure you do not mention how much jewelry, property or money you have. You will only make her feel worse and dampen her self-esteem further. Instead, tell her that your house is big enough for kids to run around and enjoy themselves in and how you have a good neighbourhood for the child to play in. Show her photos of your family and tell her how everyone is anxious to welcome the new baby so she’ll know there are many people who will love and take care of the child in your loving hands. Stress on how you can help the child to enjoy and achieve in life.

The most crucial thing to note when you need to talk to the biological mother is to have open communication. In an open adoption, usually the birth mother is allowed some form of contact with the child, maybe in terms of you sending her photos of the child once in while. Promise her that you will do that and re-assure her that the child is in good hands. You will have no problem with her if you can convince her of your sincerity in wanting to provide a good home for the child.